Keyless Ignition and Keeping Your Aging Parents Safe

Many of the new cars today have a keyless system--you keep your key in your pocket or purse and just push the button to turn on/off your car. This seems like a wonderful convenience (especially when you've just gotten a manicure). But, like all conveniences, there are some things to be aware of. If your elderly mom or dad has one of these systems in their car, make sure they understand how to use it.

It used to be, when you turned your car off, you took your key out of the ignition. You didn't have to worry about whether you actually turned the car off. With the keyless type, if you get distracted or forget, it is easy to leave the car running and go in the house. The cars have a warning system--some type of beeps--to let you know your car is still on. But, many of your aging parents have hearing issues and may not be able to hear the beeps. The first thing to do is make sure you read the owner's manual to know how their particular car's warning system works. The second thing to do is to establish some sort of back-up warning such as a note on the dashboard, on the entry door into the house, or wherever makes sense. If a car is left running in the garage, there is a potential carbon monoxide situation which can be deadly.

The next issue is what happens when the battery in the key dies. My elderly client had this happen and she got stuck in a parking lot unable to get into her car. Fortunately for her, she had roadside assistance and they were able to put a new battery into the key. Again, the important first thing to do is to read the owner's manual to the car and find out what the back-up system is, what they tell you to do. Establish a plan beforehand.

The final situation I've experienced with my clients was with a husband and wife. They went out to do some errands together and then he was dropping her off at a friend's while he continued on with the errands. Sounded so simple.....What happened was that the key was in her pocketbook. After he dropped her off he went to Home Depot. When he came out, guess what? He didn't have the key to start the car. Luckily for cell phones, he was able to call her and her friend drove her to give her husband the key. I'm not sure what is the answer to preventing this from happening other than plan ahead.

Getting inconvenienced by not having the key is annoying, leaving a car running in the garage is dangerous. Make sure that you and your parents have read the owner's manual to the car, are aware of the potential problems, and have a back-up plan in place.

KISS - Keep It Simple, Seniors

Keep it simple is the goal, start to simply early on. I see my elderly clients with multiple checking accounts, CD's at various banks, a number of small life insurance policies and annuities with different companies. What happens is a lot of confusion, a lot of paper, and a huge administrative issue. What seemed like good financial sense at the time ends up being overwhelming.

Does this scenario sound at all familiar?

It seemed like a good idea to go to another bank in town to buy a CD as their rates were slightly higher than their primary bank. It seemed like a good strategy to take advantage of an annuity that their bridge partner's son was selling. After all, it was nice to help a friend's son out when he was just beginning. Back in the day when Money Markets were paying a decent amount of interest, it made sense to open up another checking account. But, that account couldn't be used as the main account as only a certain number of transactions were allowed per month. Some of these financial investments were titled individually, some jointly, some in a trust account.

The examples could go on and on. The repercussions range from the mundane daily overload of statements to the legal implications upon the death of one of the account holders. Maybe one of your parents enjoyed spending time taking care of their finances, researching opportunities, and investing/purchasing different investment vehicles. That may have worked when they were younger and could keep on top of everything. But, that may no longer be the case.

Listen when one of your parents starts to make little comments about being overwhelmed trying to keep track of their finances. They may be embarrassed to admit that they need help. When you visit with them, notice if there are piles of papers accumulating. That's a sure sign that no one is looking at them.

The first thing to do is to start to make a list of all their accounts, where they are held, how they are titled, how much they are worth, and if there is an advisor or sales rep handling the account. This may take some time to accomplish. I've been working on this with one of my elderly clients and thought I had it complete. Totally out-of-the-blue, an IRA statement came in the mail that I hadn't known anything about.

Once you know all the accounts, a plan can be devised to try and simplify things. Ideas can be to merge checking accounts so that there is only one account to use and keep track of. If there is a primary investment accounts, other scattered items can be brought under the envelope of that primary account. For example, the client I mentioned before has some annuities that were separate from her primary brokerage account. They now are being moved under the umbrella of her brokerage account.

Depending on your level of knowledge, advise may need to be obtained from a CPA, attorney, or financial advisor prior to making too many changes. Tax and estate planning implications need to be looked into before making any changes.

Bringing this conversation back to the original idea of KISS -- your elderly mother shouldn't be confused as to which checking account to write a check from, be stressed about all the statements coming in the mail, or worry about who is watching over all her accounts. Simplifying things will help her now, and you and your siblings when the time comes that one of you need to take things over.

Family Dynamics and the Impact on Aging Parents

One of the common themes running through both my business and this blog is the impact of family dynamics on the life of the aging parent. We all have 'it' somewhere on the spectrum --few of us have The Waltons, few of us have truly dysfunctional situations. Some of the stereotypical profiles that I've encountered are:

Practical Patty. This is the sibling that gets the job done, that finds the help the aging parent needs, and figures out the insurance issues.

Hand-wringing Hannah. This is the sibling that worries what's going to happen, imagines every possible awful scenario, and is usually immobilized.

Peter Pan. This is the one that has never grown up, the one that never plans ahead and whose head is in the clouds - and probably can't be relied upon.

Squirrelly Sam. This sibling usually has a hidden agenda. It might be that they have been planning on an inheritance as their finances aren't in good order and that underlies all their input into the situation.

Marge in Charge. This is the bossy one who tells everyone what to do - whether they want to be told or not.

I'm sure most of you can recognize some of these profiles and have long histories with your siblings. By acknowledging these issues they can be built into planning for the care of your aging parent. This is the reality of the situation, maybe not the ideal.

Some family histories and dynamics are so emotionally charged that the best option is to acknowledge that the siblings can't work together. In my experiences, the aging parent usually knows this in advance and sets up their affairs so that they are independent from their children's involvement. This situation is even more pronounced when there is a daughter or son-in-law involved that the aging parents doesn't like or trust.

The important take-away from this blog topic is for both the adult children as well as the aging parent to recognize the realities of their own family dynamics and plan accordingly. As I said in an earlier post --if you and your siblings can't get along in a non-stressful social type situation, the chances are really high you aren't going to be able to work together at a stressful, emotional point in time.

Paying for Home Health Care Part One

Or better known as:

MY SISTER-IN-LAW'S CLEANING WOMAN'S DAUGHTER'S BEST FRIEND

As most everyone knows, needing an aide, CNA, or some other type of professional to come to the house to help an aging parent is expensive. It doesn't matter if the need is for someone to cook and drive or someone to provide medical care. Most people don't have insurance coverage for this type of service. So, once they gasp at the amounts quoted by agencies, registries, community organizations, etc., the typical response is to get names from friends and relatives to hire them privately.

There are definitely pros and cons, as well as some legalities and practicalities, to this approach.

The obvious first perceived advantage is cost. An agency will charge an amount per hour or per day. Some of this money is paid to the aide, the rest is retained by the agency for their services. What many people want to do is to hire the aide directly and save the amount that the agency retains for their services. The service that an agency provides is very valuable and the amount saved by hiring someone directly may turn out to be very costly. Not only does the agency screen all employees, make sure they are properly trained and supervised, they also take care of all payroll issues.

Everyone knows that when hiring household help--aides, nannies, cleaning help, etc --that payroll taxes such as Social Security and Unemployment are to be paid. The reality is that most don't do it. The help wants to be paid in cash, the person doing the hiring doesn't want to do the paperwork or incur these extra costs. Even those people trying to do the right thing end up at their wits end actually doing it.

Doreen's husband's medical issues began to get worse. It got to the point that he couldn't be left alone any longer. Doreen got the names of several aides and set-up a schedule to have coverage for 4 hour shifts each day. She called her CPA to find out how to handle paying each of the aides. He explained that she needed to pay Social Security and Unemployment for each of them, file reports on a regular basis, and calculated the amounts for her. Doreen wanted to do this the right way so she followed his instructions. Her husband's condition worsened and she needed progressively more help in the house. The paperwork associated with having multiple aides each week, different pay scales depending on day/night, weekday/weekend became a nightmare. She basically was running her own home health care agency. When just balancing her checkbook became a daunting task because of all these transactions, she threw up her hands and gave up. She had to decide whether to use an agency so they would handle the paperwork, just pay the aides in cash and forget all the paperwork, or hire someone else to do the paperwork for her.

This is the trade-off. Hiring someone directly whose name you get from a friend or relative may be less expensive if you're not paying their Social Security and Unemployment and if you're not paying an agency fee. But, you also aren't getting the screening, training, and supervision that home health care agency provides.

When the Elderly Stop Driving

Today's blog was supposed to be about paying for home health care. I'm going to postpone that topic until tomorrow. The reason? Partially to vent, partially to pass along information that I finally got.

The subject? How to turn in the driver's license of an elderly person that is no longer driving. You see, the insurance company wants proof that the person is no longer driving so you can't just cut up their driver's license.

The frustration? Trying to find out how to do that. Over the past few business days, I have attempted, multiple time, to get someone at the Florida Department of Motor Vehicles on the telephone. I've tried at 7 AM when they say the office opens, I've tried mid-morning, I've tried mid-afternoon. Sometimes the recording comes on and says that due to heavy call volumes you must call back another time. Sometimes I have been able to actually get in the queue but after holding for an indefinite period of time, I've hung up. Soooooooo frustrating.

So today I finally had to go to the driver's license office in person, wait in line, and finally get to a live person. Here's the information so in the event you have to do it, you'll know how.

How to Turn in a Driver's License

If the driver can't come to the driver's license office themselves, as is the case with my client, the spouse can bring the driver's license in. But, the spouse must bring in their marriage license as identification. Otherwise, they will take the license but not be able to give you the proof you need for the insurance company. If there is no spouse, the person with Power of Attorney can bring in the license (with the Power of Attorney paperwork as identification).

Now, wouldn't you think they could put this information on their website!!!

Computers, Social Media, and Aging Parents

Twitter and Facebook, online banking and ATM's, blogs and ipads -- they've all become part of many of our daily norms. Some seniors won't touch a computer beyond getting pictures of their grandchildren, some are computer savvy.

The use of technology has many implications when figuring out how to handle the financial affairs of an aging parent. The decision has to be separated into multiple layers.

When an aging parent begins to need help to take care of their financial affairs, the obvious first answer is to have one of their children start to take over. Today, even if the child doesn't live locally, a plan can be implemented due to the technology available. Bills can be sent via email, access can be set-up to bank online, consent can be given to have duplicate brokerage statement sent.

But, even the elderly that are comfortable with technology may balk at this plan. Why? Yes it is partially due to the issue of security of their personal information. But, it's more than that. It's the lack of human involvement that is equally as much the issue. This becomes more pronounced the more home bound the person has become. Sometimes I think we forget how much there is to be gained by the 'old school' way of interacting.

Molly was well into her 80's when we first began to work together. She had had a career in the garment industry in New York and continued to lead a very active life when she retired to Florida. After some medical issues, she needed some help taking care of her household finances. Nothing was terribly complicated and her son that lived out-of-state could have easily set everything up so he could handle things online. Molly was home alone more and more. After having lead a very active, social life she was now very lonely. It was better for someone to come to her home each week to not just pay the bills, but to sit and visit for awhile. I was fortunate to be that person and learned far more from her than I could have ever learned from sitting at the computer.

So, text and tweet, watch movies on your ipad, get your information from google searches, take advantage of whatever the next generation of technology brings. The technology may be very good at getting the mechanics done. But, don't forget to sit at the kitchen table and talk to your grandmother, a friend or a neighbor!

Read Your Financial Statements

Whether they come by snail mail, online, email or some other way, all those monthly statements that come from the bank, a financial advisor, the brokerage company or the insurance company need to be read. For most of us, reading these statements isn't up there on the list of fun things to do. But, if they aren't read, there are repercussions.

Paul always handled the finances. Judy liked it this way and never gave it much thought. Although some of the early signs of Alzheimer's may have been there, Paul hid them well. The first inkling that Judy had that something may be wrong was when their CPA mentioned the high fees being charged by their financial advisor. But, at that point Judy was so overwhelmed by the diagnosis of Paul's Alzheimer's and all the problems that faced her, the mounting pile of statements was not a priority. Many months later her daughter offered to help her sort out the papers and started to really look at what was there. They were devastated to find that the advisor had shifted her into totally age inappropriate investments and was investing on margin. The margin interest alone was costing her $1000 each month.

Whether it is knowing how money is being invested, what type of return is being earned, or the deductible on an insurance policy, paying attention is key. It doesn't mean you have to become a student of personal finance. It does mean realizing if you (or an elderly parent) can no longer be the steward of these things and finding someone to help. It may be a son or daughter, it may be the family attorney, or it may be a daily money manager. It also means not being shy about asking questions if there is something on the statement you don't understand. You know that old saying that the only dumb question is the one that you don't ask.

The important thing is to not ignore the statements. They won't go away and being aware of what's happening is critical to your financial security.

Determining Who Should Have Your Power of Attorney

You don’t have to be a Rocket Scientist to…..

Think about whom you want to handle your affairs if you become unable to handle them yourself, and ultimately when you pass away. Really assess which of your children (if any) has the skills needed for the job. A high IQ doesn’t necessarily equate to common sense, good organizational skills, and time management abilities.

Some of the things to consider are:

One person may be a logical choice to handle money or legal affairs while another person may be more suited to be the point person when it comes to the health care and medical responsibilities.

Talk to each person to whom you would like to give these responsibilities. You may find that they don’t want to accept the responsibility or they may need time to think about their decision. This isn’t something that the person should find out about by surprise.

If you are considering naming two people (two children, two professionals, two friends, or any combination of these people) to be co-decision makers, think about how well they will work together. If your children can’t get along when sitting at the Thanksgiving table, chances are that when things are stressful they won’t be able to get the job done.

Another touchy issue to take into account is your son/daughter-in-law and how much influence they will have or you want them to have.

Once your decisions have been made, an attorney should be consulted to implement all the appropriate legal papers such as Power of Attorney, Power of Attorney for Health Care, and Living Wills.

Planning For When You May Need a Caregiver

Who's Got Your Back

We’ve talked about planning for someone to pay your bills and handle your mail if you need help. This back-up plan is about the stuff of daily life. If you are elderly or are facing some major health issues, who will be there to pick up some groceries, take you to a doctor’s appointment, or just sit with you for an afternoon when you’ve come home from the hospital? These can be stressful, upsetting questions to face.

Your friend may have a gazillion children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren all living within a ten mile radius of her home. And, your sister may live in one of those fantasy neighborhoods with a slew of neighbors ready to pitch in at a moment’s notice. Yes, you’re allowed to have a five minute pity party for yourself if you don’t. Then, start to come up with a plan.

Talk to friends, people in your church/synagogue, and the help in the doctor’s office - anyone you can think of. Many times they know someone looking to make some extra money. Getting some names and talking to them well in advance means you can implement a plan quickly.

Learn about the different types of agencies and the services they offer. Know which supply nurses and aides vs. those that drive to appointments and put a meal on the table. Do the research now.

Give some thought to the concept of ‘pay it forward’. Think about volunteering or getting involved in a community organization now. Hopefully by helping others now, others will help you if and when you need it.

The reality is most people don’t like to ask for help. Or, when people ask ‘what can I do’, it may be hard to have an answer for such a broad question. Or, a lot of people offer to help at the beginning of an illness or problem and then slowly (or maybe not so slowly) the offers of help stop.

Before you need it, really think about how you’ll cope with a variety of situations, be they of a temporary or permanent nature.

How to Get the Bills Paid

There are many ways to get the bills paid today. Each has pros and cons and realistically most people use some combination of all of them. The answer to the question of which method is the best will change from person to person and from one stage of life to another.


1. For the elderly, putting the routine bills on auto-pay may be practical. If forgetfulness is becoming an issue or if writing out the check is becoming more difficult, auto-pay ensures that bills will get paid in a timely way. Implementing auto-pay requires you to provide the company with your bank’s routing number and your account number.

2. For the person that has made accumulating points, cash back rewards and frequent flier miles a passion, putting everything possible on a credit card is the way to go.

3. For the person that is pressed for time but doesn’t want to build-up credit card balances, online bill pay through a bank is the answer. Once the set-up is complete, multiple bills can be paid in a matter of minutes. Before you sit at the computer, gather statements from all the payees you want to set-up. You’ll need account numbers, mailing addresses, and phone numbers for each.

4. For those that don’t trust the computer, writing out checks is the method of choice (and don’t even bother trying to convince them otherwise). Now that banks are no longer returning cancelled checks, this method loses one record keeping advantage.

5. For those that can no longer handle the bill-paying task at all, there is a Daily Money Manager. A Daily Money Manager is a person that comes to your home on a regular basis and helps with the mail, the bills, making deposits, balancing checking accounts, and more. It is a way to provide the support needed to keep living independently. The American Association of Daily Money Managers provides a tool on their website for a geographical search to find a Daily Money Manager in your area.

Bill Paying

Someone should have signatory authority on your checking account. This is especially important if you are single, widowed, or divorced. What would happen if you were suddenly incapacitated for a period of time? Who is going to keep your financial life current? You don’t want to come home from a period in a rehab facility and find letters threatening to turn off your electricity.

If you don’t realize how important this is, here are two similar scenarios with two different endings:

Both Anne and Shirley were recently widowed. Shirley had her attorney change her Power of Attorney from her husband to her daughter and had been to the bank to add her daughter’s name to her checking account. Anne, on the other hand, was having a difficult time coping and hadn’t done anything. Unfortunately, both of them took major falls and had serious medical problems. Shirley’s daughter was able to step right in and take over her mother’s finances. Anne’s children were attentive and wanted to help but their hands were tied. While an attorney dealt with the process to correct the situation, they were trying to pay their mother’s bills out of their own accounts but that was causing them quite a hardship.

Some things to consider when deciding to whom you give signatory authority:

1. The person you decide to give signatory authority to should, obviously, be someone you trust. But, it also should be someone who will follow your directions. The idea is that they will pay your bills on time, not that they would make any significant changes to your life.

2. Does this person pay their own bills on time? Your scatter-brained best friend may have the best of intentions but may not be right for this particular task.

3. Pick someone who lives near you. Your son/daughter that lives 1500 miles away may fly in for a short period of time until the emergency is over but that won’t help if you’re laid up any length of time.

4. Pick someone who is discreet. If they are going to sort your mail and pay your bills, you don’t want it to be someone who’s going to tell the neighborhood about your American Express charges or the type of catalogs you get in the mail.

Lastly, take into account how much exposure you’re comfortable with. Think carefully about the flow of your money in a typical month. If you have large sums of money being electronically deposited to your checking account, you may want to open a separate account for household bills with a certain dollar amount automatically transferred into this account. You would then give someone signatory authority to this household account only thus limiting the amount of money they have access to each month.

It All Starts with the Mail

To some of you, dealing with the mail each day is routine, something you don’t give much thought to.

For others, the mail is an overwhelming task that leaves you exasperated on a daily basis. There can be varying reasons for this – the beginnings of Alzheimer’s, multiple people getting the mail and leaving it everywhere, or simple disorganization. When mail gets ‘misplaced’ throughout the house life gets much more stressful and complicated than need be. Bills don’t get paid and extraordinary amounts of time get spent searching for things, never mind the mess.

I have been in people’s homes and in the hunt for the mail and bills, found them in kitchen drawers, on kitchen counters, in the car, in bedroom night tables, in between cushions on the couch, and so on. Sometimes it has been opened, sometimes it hasn’t. The consequences of lost/misplaced mail can be serious. For example, checks may become invalid after a certain number of days, insurance policies lapse if not paid within a certain time frame, and interest charges on credit cards mount up.

Regardless of the reason that the issue exists, the important thing to do is to establish a routine that everyone follows:

1. The mail should be sorted immediately if possible, or at the very least, get rid of the junk. This will reduce the clutter.

2. It is critical that one place be designated as the holding place for bills. It can be anything from a shoebox to a specific drawer to a priceless antique accessory. Wherever that place is, everyone - spouses, children, cleaning help, and aides –must follow the routine.

3. For those with the beginnings of Alzheimer’s or someone living with a person with Alzheimer’s, it is critical to emphasize the routine over and over again. If the person with Alzheimer’s is getting the mail, the routine that’s emphasized is simply to put all the mail in the one designated place. Someone else must do the sorting.

4. Keep a shredder handy. The following are some of the things that should be put through the shredder, not just in the wastebasket: anything with an account number on it; credit card solicitations; convenience checks that come with your credit card bill - those blank checks that they give you to use to pay other bills.

And finally, be practical. Don’t set up a system that’s too fussy for everyone to keep up with for the long haul. It doesn’t matter whether you use a stack of empty shoe boxes or this really cool $198 mail organizer I saw in a catalog, there’s one constant. The mail comes every day, and every day you’ve got to deal with it.